Of opening presents, and looking into
The future, which I always longed for...
Not any more. It came too soon.
The enlightenment I received once, touches me no longer, though
I continue to be saturated with knowledge.
Information. Technology. These come with the world we live in.
Hard, cold, inanimate shards of jargon.
Feelings. So simple, yet so ineffable.
The years taught me to suppress them, assisted by
Elements who believe that life is better off without a touch of humaneness.
This is a supplication; please understand me
If it isn't too late already.
There was so much I had to say then, and now
I've grown up without having offered so many opinions that might have made me
A different person. A better person?
I fit the mould of nobody, but then,
I don't want to. Characteristically definite, I am like the ant, trapped in hard amber.
Safe, secure, beautiful at times; admired, loved, envied at others,
Knowing within me, as only I could,
How I wish I was not trapped; free to grow, to escape,
From the harsh stare of humanity, into
The warmth of love unblemished, unconditional - this comes with the world I live in -
My living, breathing source of precious few moments of joy.
Happiness. A craving that fluctuates in magnitude and direction
Like a shock-wave, because I am jolted whenever I actually receive it.
It was abundant once, when my needs were easily met.
But then, am I asking for too much if I want
One kind word from one who matters to me so much that I would
Give that one my speech? My senses? My life?
Instead, I am rebuffed for displaying the very feelings I was born with
I am checked for having loved; I am asked to grow up.
