Beautiful Fetish

Logophile. Blatherskite. Desperately disparate.

The Presence…



Of Fate, Destiny or just
Unbelievably awesome luck.
Of amazing timing.
Of deep brown pools of trust
I could safely drown in.
Of magic disguised as reality.
Of green shirts, and blue shirts.
Of lavender.
Of letters professionally written
On paper later torn up.
Of little feet,
And hands that are
The same size as mine.
Of an invincible bubble of protection
That floats around me.
Of long hair that will never be cut,
And shorter hair that ought to be.
Of quality time
You spend with me.
Of a song for every occasion;
Of no limit to the voice
I love to hear.
Of an affinity for coriander
And cold, beautiful mornings.
Of coloured StaR spiKes
I dare not touch.
Of a relationship amidst a million wires,
Some live ones that tried to
Strangle it midway.
Of a hand that always
Holds the door open;
Of a personality that keeps
My spirits buoyant.
Of colloquial talk that melts my hard heart;
Of the mandatory extra paper napkin
And the occasional chocolate.
Of the uncanny ability to
Make things work
On my palm, and off it.
Of artificial laughs, with eyes to match.
Of separate identities, viewpoints, cabs, beliefs, temper, dentition…
Of the willingness to be together.
Of angry insanity that sublimates into hysterical mirth;
Of the catalyst and neutralizer I’ve found in you.
Of motivation and burning determination
To be the best, to ourselves and to each other.
Of the eternally predominant helping hand.
The presence of you.
The presence of me, and the presence of
What we call
Us.

Rose



Unconscious catching
A string never ending
Drawing magnetic, sweet innocence
Mysterious, what lies beneath
Nobody dares to laugh.
Respect, impossible to regain
Confidence on the surface
Your right heart
A place for me, an illusory occupation.
Smell her mandarin-flower shampoo.
Close enough to watch it coarsing off her
Freshly cropped locks;
Orange-tree, bright birds, picturesque
Smarts the atmosphere
Outsmarts me.
Inverted golf-ball skin like you aimed me
Into a winter lake.
You’re far away, on the green,
One of your favourite places to be.
Returning minuscule favours
Swinging beside me, mindless
Deep in contemplation, casually aloof.
Tactilely encouraging, promising
Your effrontery emblazoned on my face.
Wordlessly romantic, tunefully misleading
Little drummer boy, or the Pied Piper
No longer enchanted by my temperament,
Leading me straight into the river.
Failing myself in my qwest
So you can be the best.
Hurt heart, hurt body
Humourless, plasticized wit
Hovercraft feet, the army whistle
Controlling me, instead of me
Evoking it.
A face, familiar, uninvited, welcome
Making no difference or fun.
You sail by somewhere, past my taciturn form
A grey-green whirl of temerity.
A fragment of possibility, of hope,
An embedded thorn that prevents me from
Bleeding to death.





















Freak City



Couldn’t care less
Punk image before me
Not me external dissociating
With internal looseness
Detachment black orange turning black
An inch of pain concentrated
Behind each eyelid
Swimming on a bed of coarse salt
Déjà vu empty caller lists
Rock pounding hounding grounding
My brain to pieces
Angry once no longer
Unsure I just found a hole in
My security blanket
Get a tattoo maybe what I hear is true
Quit coming back every now and then
Straight long hair
Smooth convolutions undisguised
Freak city
Promises commitment
Light years away
Even unconditional love comes on its own terms
Rock grinding my mind
An urge can be so dangerous
Fatal if I let it
Fatal if I don’t
Black welts
First rays of black as the night rises

Human-been



You’ve left your imprint on me
Little bloody dashes
Too cold for comfort
In the six blistered walls
You call
Isolated refuge
Left out… In.
Foolhardy, tripping
Clear consequences, sometimes tinted;
Hazy regard through thinning eyelids.
Soft P, S&M
I’m not used to
I am used.
The discovery, chilling, that I have a conscience
That makes me responsible for others,
For me, for others
Who love me.
Don’t take me again I cannot contain
Repressed, wrapped, delusional, fake, what-you-may-call-it.
The sound of tremulous, broken breath
I should’ve caught the clues then.
You traipse, free-falling
A little quiet, mostly husky, mnemonic
Me, I make a world of difference.
Fading purple teaches me a lesson.
Comparing brown, no longer a fascination.
This has got to be the most
Antiseptic
Experience I’ve had.
I left my soul behind
While I left my heart
Outside your door.
Went back to find it in
As many pieces it’s capable of making.
Travel back
I saw the birth of a monster.
I’d seen pictures
I thought they were make-believe,
I told you so.
Like my breath infused the dormant monster with life
Who tastes of life once, loves it,
Wants it, even if it’s not his own.
I thought I’d die in that instant
I saw and heard you lambaste me
You carved your animal instincts indelibly
On me.
I never thought of broken rag dolls until now.
Words never die, yours won’t, ever.
No speech, I will honour that.
No contact, I will honour that.
There’s nothing to honour.
I’ll just fold what’s left of my broken wings
Fly out into a hopeless world
In search of less fortunate.
Representative of all smugness
Do you all come with the same strings and package?
We cross paths, indifferent
How long before everyone gets to know,
And in whose favour would the ostracism be?
It seems there’s a mess all around
I step out of one into another
Almost as if they’re iron ions drawing me
All part of you
Spreading, swirling, connecting and disconnecting
Mercury on a glazed.
Isn’t that what monsters do?
You might be a soft-soaper
But I’m not your average Blarney stone
(Rub) all you like, you have no more wishes
In my consideration, you’re a human-been.

Two, three, four, five


Cool wind in my hair
Only there was no hotel
We weren’t in California.
Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing.
Two intellectual
Individuals can’t be one;
There never can be
Two hundred percent.
Action is a consequence of speech,
I know
The height of irony, with
Three inches missing.
The difference made me veer
Diffidently towards unvoiced defiance.
I can’t have you think for me;
Of me, you may.
Your principles are rooted
So firmly you’re uprooting mine;
Tangling me within myself
Eating myself escaping, colliding,
Passing time.
Again I’ve learned, been burned
Again I’ve seen, come clean
Patience, infinitesimal, brooding
Eludes me this time
Four times I tried to cry
Would not come.
Me, the human drain
Cluttering your miasmal erudition.
I took a chance on chance –
I don’t really like red cars
With black windows
Endless black road, with
Red horizon. Danger.
One point five meetings decided the end.
Eleven years sealed our destiny. But for Time…
You remind me of the line of Automatons
With punch-card minds on Autopilot
I know I can never level with
Save one. He’s human.
Stabs of guilt gut-wrenching
Relocation instantaneous, only in mind.
Open my eyes, mouth full of glass and blood.
You make me sick
You repel me
You hate me.
Five strikes. I’m hungry.
I fly toward trouble thirstily
Knowing I fly backwards
Maybe that’s why I keep time
Knowing I’ll be back with someone else.

Too Much Egg Yolk Makes Me Mad



Self-assured, self-appointed Guardian Angel!
You've given me black eyes.
I bet you were watching from the shadows
Of faraway lands you've never visited.
Protective, for confirmation of your worth?
Were you a deprived child, I know you were.
Middle-man is what you'd like to be
All your life.
The perfect car, perfect music in the perfect car.
A bottle of blue perfume on the dashboard
I forgot to dash my head against.
You and I.
Circling, two dogs and a bone.
Carrot-and-stick maestro.
Little-finger ribbon-twister.
Counselor and friend.
But not of mine. Never of mine.
Hence the was.
Nice knowing you.
You didn't smile once. Your entire family doesn't.
Not at me, anyway. Not even the little devil.
All you wanted was for me to come into your parlor
(Said the spider to the fly)
I know there'll always be individuals like you
Eclipsing my life.
But then you'll eventually move, but I'll be blind,
Because I looked too long and too hard.
Blind with egg yolk
I hate it, but I eat it
When I have no choice
(But to have patience)
Is very hard when the one you love is a patient.
I miss you, my friend, my love
Everything's so cold without you...
Threaten me, would you?
You won't ever know how far we've gone
And I'm not afraid of anybody knowing.
Video-game road tracks
I'm in the enemy's clutches.
A sweat-patch on the seat behind me.
A beggar shamelessly hounding me.
You can't cancel this bond, or stop the interest.
I hope YOU know that.
Smug, black, and white, and grey
I just have to wait for you to move away
So light can strike me once more
Sunlight, golden-yellow
(The color of egg yolk)

The Good Die Young



I killed you. God sure has it tough. He takes life away for reasons only He knows. I didn’t want it to happen. Any objection would only be an excuse. You were perfect. You were alive. I tried to complete you. I added an extra chromosome. Now you’re unrecognizable. The switch worked both ways. I lost a part of myself. I stung you and I lost my sting. In reverse recompense, you killed me.

We exist. God sure has it easy. He’s a wanton boy. I think of you and say, “It was nice knowing him.” Was. Death can’t be undone. We no longer live. We exist.

If I were alive, I’d be thankful to you for allowing me the privilege of knowing who you used to be. We had the best of times, we had the worst of times. A thought just flashed through my mind. And you’d understand, if you were alive.

Your goodness killed you. Your goodness killed me. No sense in debating now. Death brings out reality. We killed each other; we gave our lives for each other; what does it matter?

Now I know why they say, “The good die young.” Feels good we’re good.