So Personal

It's time for an identity check. Mine. Everywhere I look, I see people who are better than me. Achievers. I feel as if I have to do something in life. Be a better person. I want people to like me for who I am. Yes, I do. Facades do not become me, from the way I see it. Yet, due to some reason, my characteristics are keeping a certain person from getting closer to me. He prefers to go out with his best friend. Because now she loves him. And he doesn't want to meet me, because I love him. It's so obvious. Yet, he is a genuine person. She said the same thing. I said it too - such a real person. I must wake up and see that I am no less than her. So what if I haven't yet realized myself? Feelings must be kept in check. This is a law of humanity.

I spoke to six people today. I do have friends. People do appreciate me. They care about me. There are those who are trying to take advantage of me. I have to turn their advantage into my advantage. Have to wait for love. Games will be played. Have to try and be "it" all the time. Won't do to get caught. Have to avoid being worked up and uptight about being "it"; should learn to enjoy it, derive fun out of it, learn new ways to handle, and win, the game of life. Blissful. Put myself into the peace mode, which evolves from the "piece" mode. And look around and see how much I actually have. Though he complains I'm too close, he doesn't make any effort to back off. Read "of choices." Am I not a human enriched with the best of everything? I am in my senses. I know what's right. I derive enjoyment from a few things.

Dear God, help me strengthen the relations I've forged, and not let negativity come in between. I am not behaving entirely as I'm supposed to. Go easy on me, help me... I beg of you. I'm sure life will smoothen out eventually. And I'm waiting for it.